In America we eat man semen.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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