Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
