It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
