Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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