I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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