I need to stop coming to work sober
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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