What a fucking waste of an outfit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
