I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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