Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
