I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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