i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
