The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
