listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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