Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
