Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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