you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
