I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
