Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
