Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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