You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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