Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
