I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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