So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
