can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
