i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
