So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
