the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
