okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
