he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Im part way to drunk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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