it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
