I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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