Non-Jews are for practice
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
