Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
