Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
