I think my vagina is haunted
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
