No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
