Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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