Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
