I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
