so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
