How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
