I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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