Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
