life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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