whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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