Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
