sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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