I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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