I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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