oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
