i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
