He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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