im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen