I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills