WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
