Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
