he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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