the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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