when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
