You're my little dorito
I looked at my own cervix.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
