What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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