singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
