He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
