You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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