Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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