I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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