Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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