Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize