Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
