you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
