I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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