you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She told me I should be a condom model.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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