great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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